Relocate 1 Test Launch 2

Earlier today our beloved DoP oversaw the 2nd test launch of Relocate 1. Our technichians were confident after the lessons learnt from our 1st launch would enable Relocate 1 to exit earths atmosphere and complete a orbit of the planet before returning safety.

After receiving several complaints from stores in the retail park and a few "fuck away offs" from locals it was decided to move the launch site to a new location. This site was again subject to a strict media blackout. Only those involved in the launch, several shift workers, two delivery drivers, three dog walkers and a couple dogging at the corner of the car park where there to witness events. The DoP has suggested TESCO car park should maybe not be used again.

It was planned to have the rocket return to earth splasing down safely in the pond at The Keep Immigrants Park but sadly this wasn't to be.

As launch time approached anticipation was almost palpable with some not being able to finish their breakfast McMuffins, although it was noted later that this was only because someone had accidentaly added unwanted brown sauce to theirs.

At exactly 07:35hrs give or take 10 minutes, wee Davy commenced the launch procedure by accidentally sitting on the ignition button. The roar of the rocket was almost heard over his screams of "fuck I've pierced me fucking bumhole with this bloody switch!"

As the launcher rose towards the sky one onlooker pointed out a large man-made cloud drifting over the launch area. Noting that this was probably seeded with metal girders Sammy initiated the self destruct option to avoid a collision. Unfortunately as can be seen in the attached video the wee fucker was too slow. The launcher's 1 stage rocket spluttered out but the launcher continued upwards striking the base of the seeded cloud. A loud clang was heard with reports coming in from as far away as Jollyes, the rocket then plummeted towards the ground.

Upon impact the launcher burst into flames engulfing the surrounding area. A large pall of black smoke was seen rising from the crash site into the othervise blue sky above. Thankfully no one was injured during this event but the new Northern Regional College building will now be a further 7 years delayed due to damage.

A TESCO worker stated "I wanted to ask the DoP and wee Davy what the fuck they were playing at but they had both fucked off sharpish. I do have this switch with blood on it though as a keepsake!"

EDIT: If anyone see our camerman, Sammy the Shakes Nelson, can they ask him for our camcorder back as we still have several unused Sony tapes left.