Relocate 1 Test Launch

Earlier today at 01:35hrs the first test of our Moon Launch Shuttle "Relocate1" took place from a secret location just next to The Range superstore.

The launch which was initially scheduled for 01:30 was delayed due to two drunks fighting on the launch pad/disabled parking space. After several warnings instructing them to "fuck off" they were removed by the DoP using an outpouring of LOVE and a swift smack on the back of the head with his baseball bat (available in our online shop )

A tense 30 seconds ensued during the launch count down when it was discovered the launch lighter was out of gas.  Technical Director, "Wee Dave " quickly initiated plan B and relieved one of the watching drunks from his feg and quickly re-ignited the fuse.

Relocate1 with it's payload of half a Lemon cake rose to an altitude of approximately 37ft before returning to earth.

A detailed review of the launcher will take place to assess how it stood up to stresses once it is retrieved for the roof of Sainsbury's. It is envisaged the retrieval will take place during the hours of darkness later this date.

A second test is planned with a full Lemon cake and an immigrants free mobile phone to asses if a stronger rocket is required.

Our glorious DoP stated "This was a successful 1st test, it will only be a matter of a few months before we have a working reusable shuttle. I will not let this deter me"

At this point we'd like to welcome our two new DoP followers and first passengers to our Moon Station,  No Feg Phil and Lump Head Henry.

Our illustrious DoP continued, "Having debunked the fake NASA moon landings (see evidential photo) I intend our first law breakers dispatched on Relocate 1 to not only be the first humans to set foot on the moon but to also be the first to be decapitated there!"